When you need to go real bad...

Since I am aware that my last post was rather heavy and I do not want to alienate my more light-hearted readers...I decided to follow it up with a funny story. I intend to have the blog be good mix of events and work-related stories, deeper reflections and more light-hearted stories.

So...okay here is the situation...from pretty early on in my time here I was fascinated by the amount of urinals all over the city. I know not really the thing most people would get fascinated about, but after having inspected the use over the first 4 months I have concluded that in general they are probably a welcome addition to the urban landscape. Because lets be real what is the alternative, men using the first tree, lamppost or wall in sight? It seems to me that it is better for it to all be collected at one spot, even though they leak and create quite the aroma around them.



My fascination though is not as much with the urinals and their wonderful colour, but more about their location. Now I don’t think I am the most self-conscious person, but I am well aware that the next time I am not being noticed, in some manner, when walking the street will be the first one. So naturally I would have to go... real...and I mean real bad... for me to take a leak in a semi-open urinal in the middle of a metropolitan area of over 15 million people. But, it gets even better...I took this picture from the web and it was the best I could find, but I think you will get the picture. On the right top you see something that resembles a staircase. Well guess what they actually are staircases. This particular one is a footbridge that will take you across EDSA – probably the busiest road in the Metro. I don’t know who came up with the great idea to place a public urinal right next to a footbridge that is used by hundreds of people every hour, but it seems to me there might be better locations. Now, I like I said I do not think I am the most self-conscious person around, but I can assure you that I would not be able to get a single drip to come out.

The Ache of loneliness

For I know that the logic of some will say ‘oh since he is writing about loneliness, he must be lonely’ – let me start of by saying I am not lonely or at least I am currently not lonely. However, over the years I have experienced various periods at which loneliness ate away at the very core of my being. In addition, when I take a peek into the world around me I see that I am not alone in my loneliness. With time I have become more and more convinced that loneliness is the Great Silent Killer. That it is one of the greatest enemies of the soul.

During my teenage years a deep desire for belonging was the main reason behind my obsessive depressive behaviour, my body image issues and my bouts of depression. I also remember elongating a relationship, even though my heart and mind knew that it was the right thing to end it, merely because I knew that she cared for me. One of the current struggles of my loneliness is put into words very well by Flannery O’Connor, “I have never been anywhere but sick. In a sense sickness is a place, more instructive than a long trip to Europe, and it is always a place where there is no company, where NOBODY can follow.”

But I have become aware that loneliness like love is very much a universal phenomenon. Indeed it often rears its head in the place we least expect it. It might affect people in different ways, but it seems not to discriminate with regards to age, wealth or status.

One thing about my childhood that I take some pride in is that I never really actively took part in the bullying of others (admittedly I often didn’t do much to stop it either). For there are so many children who fear going to school because of what awaits them there. At the other end of the spectrum, and especially in the West, there are so many elderly in old people’s homes who sit in chairs staring at the window in the hope that today might be the day that someone will come and visit them.

But it is not merely those at the ends of the lifecycle who cry for love and care. Indeed it seems to me that a large part of society is desperately crying for someone to love them. Loneliness is one of the major causes of suicide, and here again it does not seem to differentiate between one’s social stature. You hear of people who have dogs as their best, and sometimes only, friend. You see people rushing into marriage out of a desperate desire for a life partner.

Modern times seem to even aggravate the problem. The break-up of the family has led many to become like orphans. Chat rooms on the internet are full with many looking for some kind of companionship. And what of the social network sites, I see people claiming hundreds of friends, but not a single one of them knows them knows the corners of their heart.

What of the Christian community – they who call every second person they meet brother/sister. But how can this be, does my brother not know my aches and secrets? Listen to the words that a Wheaton (well respected Christian college)student left on a piece of paper after his class had ended,

Out in the cold I stand,
Looking on at the world sitting tight,
With its people in their nice little worlds,
And the friends who don’t even know me.
It really makes no difference to their world where I am.
If I'm there, it keeps going.
If I’m not, it goes on.
While I walk around, wandering, wondering,
My mind a mass of mixed-up machinery,
Clashing with conflicts and unanswered questions.
I don’t ask the world if it is real-
It sits up there on its foundations,
Secure, concrete, hard, stone and real.
But maybe I’m not real
Or if I am, maybe I shouldn’t be.
They answer, ‘Smile, God loves you’,
But I can’t smile.
I’m numbed by cold inside and out.
Even the heat in the square brick buildings
Would only warm my body, nothing else.
I’m alone in a world full of people,
Apart, shut up inside myself,
Cold, unfeeling, in a cold unfeeling world.

Even knowing our Saviour to be with us at all times does not seem to shelter us from loneliness.

I have no answers of how one should deal with loneliness. Many answers even if they sound good in theory – they often fail miserably when one’s loneliness is faced head on. All I know is that building walls, trying to protect ourselves from further hurt is not the solution. As for me I try to be a listening ear, a watching eye and a caring heart to anyone who needs friend to stand with them.

Some Visuals

The Batad Rice Terraces










See some parts in the hills look much like parts of North America


Rice Terraces a little closer to Banue


Ed Still looking for some real-estate?

December Part 2

We will start part 2 of with a picture that should have been added to a previous post, but somehow didn't attach. It is me in the chair Marcos declared martial law from.

5) CHRISTmas eve was spend in midnight mass - which I have to say is something I can see myself doing more frequently as I think it is a good way to start the day we remember our Lord’s birth. Sometimes when I wake up on CHRISTmas morning it seems like just any other morning. Aka messed up hair, plugged up sinuses, in dire need of a toothbrush and not really realizing what is going on for the first little while therefore starting it intentionally even the night before is something I can see great value in.

4)Had a new year’s lunch at the Lamigos as part of my personal retreat to spend some time pondering the ups and downs of the past year and to look ahead to the upcoming year. So often, and especially the past year, one thing just happens after the other and I spend very little time processing it. The past year was a very tough one for me and at the same time there have been some good blessings that have come along the way.

3)Please pray for my health and my spiritual wellbeing. Sometimes amidst the many blessings coming my way I might lose sight of the fact that my body does not work as well as that of most people, but reality is that I still possess a weak body. It made me miss a two-day training during the holidays which I would have loved to attend since it was with youth leaders. Sometimes it still gets me down and I think a good Spiritual basis will continue to help me through the rougher patches. So prayers will continue to be acceptedJ

2)In some very unexpected news, my mum got a letter in the mail from SOAS which stated that I had graduated for my Masters in Human Rights Law with merit. Anyone that knows a little of my struggles over the last year and the lack of time with which I was faced for the writing of my thesis during the summer will be able to understand both my surprise and my thankfulness.

1)There is an official date for Ed’s and Mum’s wedding: July 4^th-2009. Needless to say, I am very very thankful and joyful for both of them and for all of us children, family and friends. Please if you are around Ontario during that time and feel moved by the spirit to come and enjoy the gift of marriage with us let me know.

Ps1 For some of you this is not optional. You better be there.

Ps2. I am not too sure how my mum feels about me extending invitations to everyoneJ - but I am sure you are more than welcome

Hope this finds you all having had a joyful and restful holiday season.

Here are some more pics as well

Let me start by introducing some people.

The guy on the right would still be me. The man in the middle is my Boss Mr. Lamigo. And for some of you the cool thing to know would be that the lady in between us is actually Huoy's mother.

The Lady on the left is Carol and she works with CRWRC. The lady on the right is Vylma and she works with CRWM and helped me with my Visa...so that I am actually legal to stay here.

The picture here is the modern day national hero Manny Pacquiao. I watched him whoop De la Hoya's buttocks together with Pow in one of the cinema's. Every cinema showed the fight it was pretty darn sweet.


One more picture already from the CHRISTmas trip. This is from a wedding that we attended. I loved how the whole community got to share in the wedding-although yeah I would probably file for bankruptcy before my wedding if I had to feed this many people.

December Part 1

Sorry for the long layoff in writing on the blog. As one who has always been opposed for “I was busy” as an excuse for anything longer than a week i’ll just say that I was taking in life and forgot. December came and went and although I am still quite tired at what is almost the end of my break, there have also been plenty reasons to be thankful.

Therefore here are December’s 10:

10)Happy new year to all of you...As I wrote to many already- I wish you all God’s blessings, strength, but above all his nearness in the upcoming years. For it is his nearness that gets us through harder times. It is his nearness that keeps us hopeful when we have a lack of answers to the pains and questions that trouble our hearts and minds. I hope that for all of you it may also be a year filled with unexpected turns and a return to childlike wonder at this amazing world. A return to the enjoyment of our babies we hold in our arms, the beauty of the nature around us and the magnificence of our bodies. And may 2009 be a year in which we once again see our Lord and saviour in the face of every person we meet, especially the ones that we are most likely to hate/dislike.

9) Before moving on to my personal experiences over the past month I want to ask for your prayers for the Middle East. I know it is not the region I am in right now and many of you might not here much about it besides all that is “wrong” with it. Having always been intrigued by the larger region and having studied specifically the Israel-Palestine situation the news of the past few days hurts me deeply.

Please pray for the Palestinian people in specifically. Because yes, Hamas is an active terrorist organization that few of us would feel at home with and sure I understand Israel’s response in wanting to protect its citizens. But my questions are these. Why is it only about Israel’s security? How many Palestinian citizens equal one Israeli? Do we even try to understand some of the anger that many Palestinians feel? Do we really think it came out of nowhere?

In the West bank, security controls, a wall, settlements, scarce access to water, destruction of their olive trees and other agricultural resources has left many Palestinians with very little hope on their side. Gaza, well one could argue it is even worse. Although, the settlements are now gone and there is no actual military presence there right now. Israel controls everything from who gets to enter the territory, to who gets to leave. To what gets to enter (food, medicine etc) to the electricity and energy supplies. Unemployment rates are sky high. Water is even scarcer. 1.5 million people on a small plot of land that in fact is as much occupied as it has ever been. I know Christians in the west historically support Israel blindly, but do some study on the history of the place. Try to see Palestinians as fellow children of our Lord. Try to look beyond your ideological presuppositions. And maybe just maybe you’ll be able to see a people who are suffering from injustice since the day they came out of the womb.

8)Work has been pretty good as we are planning ahead for the 2010 election there are many opportunities that come up regarding voter education and anti-corruption opportunities. I am enjoying the opportunity to learn more and more as time goes on. For January I am hoping to write some stories on Christians and churches that have come together and made a strong impact in the community. Also, on the schedule might be a follow-up trip to Bikol for the anti-corruption training.

7)For anyone who has been to the Philippines, they will know that anyone white is called Joe (thanks to Americans). Well I am fine with it for the most part as so much of it is in good spirit. However, lately for some odd reason I have been thinking about names I would give my children. I know for someone that is not married, doesn’t even have a girlfriend, who in any case would still need to discuss it and agree with an eventual life-partner, it seems like a rather uncommon practice. Either way I have already three girl names and one boy name, but also one boy’s name I really won’t choose...aka Joe.

6) For a week during the CHRISTmas holiday we went up North to the rice terraces which were absolutely gorgeous. For me it was a reminder that humanity can do good things with nature and that it does not always have to lead its abuse. Although the current tourist industry and construction in the area put that hopeful notion right back under scrutiny.

I hadnt downloaded my rice terraces pics yet so you all will have to do it with this for now:). Ps. More pics will be in part 2

I finally moved to a new place. I left Horshoe Village to move to Teachers Village further North in Quezon City (am still looking for a good map). At the risk of causing you all to have some bad cases of dejavu- I have to say that I am very very thankful with the new place. The location is sort of in the middle between work and langauge class. It is fairly close to the University of the Philippines (UP). About 40 minutes walk from Thomas Morato avenue...that is for me...others might prefer the more convential, tricycle, jeepney or taxi-way of moving around. Thomas Morato is a street with many restaurants and I had some good Singaporian/Thai there last week:). Also Cubao -Quezon city's main commercial and entertainment hub- is still pretty close, as is Quezon Memerial Circle (Park). So yeah the broader location is great.


The Neighbourhood itself is also very good. Not overly busy, but still a real neighbourhood which is kinda the way I like things. But for as good as the location, the neighbourhood and all other surounding things are, the house is probably the best part - the people have been very hospitable and I am pretty confident that I am going to like it a lot. I live at the rooftop...which has been great. I have a one-room place and then a small bathroom attached to it. It is great when at night I need to go to the bathroom i go outside and see the moon and the stars and some lost planes. It is a great way to wake up as well with the sunrise or like yesterday with a nice rainbow.

I have started to get some herbs as well, but am tempered in my enthusiasm by the lack of time and my lack of multitasking skills. I was telling a couple people that with the last few weeks my respect for mothers has increased even more, and I don't even have little kids to take care off, but if I would not make a list I would not only not know what to do, but even where to start.

I am still in the process of getting to know just who all lives in the place - since all the rooms on the floor below me are rented out to other people, but the main owners of the house i at least know and like I said they have been very welcoming and i'll probably end up sharing a meal with them every week once I get my schedule in order.

ps. sorry the internet has been very slow and i could only upload one picture

Story Number 2: Marcos and Me

Before I came to the Philipines the general reaction of people was very postive. Whenever the topic came up, stories would come of friendly and helpful Filipinos they had met. And as most of you will know you dont have to visit Manila to meet some Filipinos. Other remarks pertained to the natural beauty of the Islands, Karaoke and other generally positive things.

Added to these remarks there was always one that was well lets say not overly positive - and most of the time said with a grin on the face. Imelda Marcos's Shoe collection. [Photo]

I have not yet had the opportunity to visit the museum that holds many of her shoes, but early on I did have the opportunity to go to Malacanang - the Presidential Palace. I have to say that I have never seen a Palace where you were allowed to touch, see and do whatever else so freely. And so it happened that I got to sit and have my picture taking on the chair from which President Ferdinand Marcos declared Martial Law in 1970's - and get this I don't know how it happened, but I was even smiling.[Photo]